Yesterday we had a powerful lesson in Relief Society Meeting about Pornography.
I was introduced to this new manual and 12 step recovery program put together by the LDS church in 2005. Go Here.
We had Ward Conference, which is a three hour series of meetings that include the Sacrament, Sunday School, and a combined Relief Society and Priesthood class which was taught by our Stake President and Stake Relief Society President. These leaders serve over 2,000 members in the Boulder Colorado Stake.
The difficult topic they chose to address was Porn Addiction and the increasing problem that it is becoming in the church. I really appreciated the way that they did not hesitate to lay out the problem as well as share some insights as to how we as parents could help our children and ourselves stay clean from this plague.
Our Stake Relief Society President shared quotes from individuals, some she knew and some whom she had read about…tragic quotes about how they wished they had made better choices, how they would give anything to have back a loving spouse or custody of children lost. She claimed that 40% of internet porn users were women and that this number was increasing. She also claimed that it was far easier to prevent a pornography addiction than it was to cure one.
Then our Stake President Spoke and he shared how once a month he meets with the Bishops in our stake and each bishop has shared stories of those addicted in their congregations who are struggling. He believes the problem is much more wide spread than what the leaders hear about because of the shame factor involved in confessing this particular sin. He also said that the church at the highest levels was deeply concerned about this issue and it was right up at the top of the agenda in terms of importance and focus.
He shared the 12 step program which had the Atonement of Jesus Christ woven completely through it and claimed that although it was not a perfect cure, it had helped some people when most secular programs are unable to claim cure for the problem of porn addiction.
He made a line of demarcation and tied it to Joseph in Egypt who was tempted by Potifers wife. That line is that if you are surfing the web and you accidentally view some porn and then you flee from it the way that Joseph ran so fast he left his coat in Potifers wifes hands, then in the Lord’s eyes you are not to blame…only be more careful about the web sites you go to and the surfing topics you search for.
But he said, if you are actively out searching for porn and looking at it, even if it is only the so called soft porn, you have a serious spiritual problem that needs to immediately be addressed and dealt with.
As he was talking I was praying fervently. I was begging the Lord to show me how to protect our children from this plague. During the class I felt prompted by the Holy Spirit to openly talk to the children about it, ask them if any of them had seen any porn on the internet and how they responded to it.
So at supper last night I brought it up very casually but also directly, sharing what had been taught in the class, and also sharing some stories of healing that had been used as examples of healing from this plague.
First I asked our four older children who had accidentally seen porn on the internet. Every hand was raised.
“Was it accidental?” Yes, and mom, it was so gross, ewwww, yuck.
I told them the difference between soft and hard core porn and said that according to the Stake President it did not make any difference, if you were looking at porn, you had a serious problem that needed to be taken to the Bishop.
The I told them that every week at Family Council we were going to have an accounting for the whole family. And anyone who accidentally viewed some porn would be asked to share that fact. I told them the reason for this was to help them be accountable and get used to talking openly about pornography viewing so that if it ever did move past the accidental to the intentional phase, they could quickly identify that it had become a problem before it turned into a full blown addiction.
I told them about a man who had struggled with porn addiction from the time he was eight years old, who had been excommunicated from the church twice for various sins he had committed tied to Porn, and at the age of 58 had finally overcome a lifetime of pain, shame, and sorrow tied to his sin. This man had witnessed to the fact that it was so much easier to PREVENT a pornography addiction than it was to heal it. And he wanted his story shared with anyone possible, especially parents, to help them teach their children of the plague and how to prevent it in their own families.
This class was a sobering reminder to Paul and I of the challenges that face us as parents trying to help our children avoid the pitfalls of life. I hope and pray the weekly accountability will help the children to openly shun and avoid this addiction like the plague it is.
Family Council is what we do on sunday nights to help us organize our schedule and deal with various issues that crop up. Some have joked that it is the only family fight that starts and ends with a prayer, but we have decided that it will be a good time for a weekly reminder to our children of how much we want to help them prevent this problem in their own lives. My heart aches at even having to talk about this topic with these tender hearted little ones, but President Williams said that the average age of seeing porn for the first time is eleven and it is usually by accident while surfing the web. All four of our older children, including our ten year old son, said they had in fact seen one thing or another, and that was a surprise to me, because except for Allison mentioning it one time, they had never mentioned it to me.
I’m grateful for the chance to bluntly discuss this topic with them, and for wise spiritual leaders who are also open about the problem and want to help prevent tragedies in family life.
Jenny Hatch
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