Pornography and the Family

February 19, 2007Jenny Marie Hatch

Yesterday we had a powerful lesson in Relief Society Meeting about Pornography.
I was introduced to this new manual and 12 step recovery program put together by the LDS church in 2005. Go Here.
We had Ward Conference, which is a three hour series of meetings that include the Sacrament, Sunday School, and a combined Relief Society and Priesthood class which was taught by our Stake President and Stake Relief Society President. These leaders serve over 2,000 members in the Boulder Colorado Stake.
The difficult topic they chose to address was Porn Addiction and the increasing problem that it is becoming in the church. I really appreciated the way that they did not hesitate to lay out the problem as well as share some insights as to how we as parents could help our children and ourselves stay clean from this plague.
Our Stake Relief Society President shared quotes from individuals, some she knew and some whom she had read about…tragic quotes about how they wished they had made better choices, how they would give anything to have back a loving spouse or custody of children lost. She claimed that 40% of internet porn users were women and that this number was increasing. She also claimed that it was far easier to prevent a pornography addiction than it was to cure one.
Then our Stake President Spoke and he shared how once a month he meets with the Bishops in our stake and each bishop has shared stories of those addicted in their congregations who are struggling. He believes the problem is much more wide spread than what the leaders hear about because of the shame factor involved in confessing this particular sin. He also said that the church at the highest levels was deeply concerned about this issue and it was right up at the top of the agenda in terms of importance and focus.
He shared the 12 step program which had the Atonement of Jesus Christ woven completely through it and claimed that although it was not a perfect cure, it had helped some people when most secular programs are unable to claim cure for the problem of porn addiction.
He made a line of demarcation and tied it to Joseph in Egypt who was tempted by Potifers wife. That line is that if you are surfing the web and you accidentally view some porn and then you flee from it the way that Joseph ran so fast he left his coat in Potifers wifes hands, then in the Lord’s eyes you are not to blame…only be more careful about the web sites you go to and the surfing topics you search for.
But he said, if you are actively out searching for porn and looking at it, even if it is only the so called soft porn, you have a serious spiritual problem that needs to immediately be addressed and dealt with.
As he was talking I was praying fervently. I was begging the Lord to show me how to protect our children from this plague. During the class I felt prompted by the Holy Spirit to openly talk to the children about it, ask them if any of them had seen any porn on the internet and how they responded to it.
So at supper last night I brought it up very casually but also directly, sharing what had been taught in the class, and also sharing some stories of healing that had been used as examples of healing from this plague.
First I asked our four older children who had accidentally seen porn on the internet. Every hand was raised.
“Was it accidental?” Yes, and mom, it was so gross, ewwww, yuck.
I told them the difference between soft and hard core porn and said that according to the Stake President it did not make any difference, if you were looking at porn, you had a serious problem that needed to be taken to the Bishop.
The I told them that every week at Family Council we were going to have an accounting for the whole family. And anyone who accidentally viewed some porn would be asked to share that fact. I told them the reason for this was to help them be accountable and get used to talking openly about pornography viewing so that if it ever did move past the accidental to the intentional phase, they could quickly identify that it had become a problem before it turned into a full blown addiction.
I told them about a man who had struggled with porn addiction from the time he was eight years old, who had been excommunicated from the church twice for various sins he had committed tied to Porn, and at the age of 58 had finally overcome a lifetime of pain, shame, and sorrow tied to his sin. This man had witnessed to the fact that it was so much easier to PREVENT a pornography addiction than it was to heal it. And he wanted his story shared with anyone possible, especially parents, to help them teach their children of the plague and how to prevent it in their own families.
This class was a sobering reminder to Paul and I of the challenges that face us as parents trying to help our children avoid the pitfalls of life. I hope and pray the weekly accountability will help the children to openly shun and avoid this addiction like the plague it is.
Family Council is what we do on sunday nights to help us organize our schedule and deal with various issues that crop up. Some have joked that it is the only family fight that starts and ends with a prayer, but we have decided that it will be a good time for a weekly reminder to our children of how much we want to help them prevent this problem in their own lives. My heart aches at even having to talk about this topic with these tender hearted little ones, but President Williams said that the average age of seeing porn for the first time is eleven and it is usually by accident while surfing the web. All four of our older children, including our ten year old son, said they had in fact seen one thing or another, and that was a surprise to me, because except for Allison mentioning it one time, they had never mentioned it to me.
I’m grateful for the chance to bluntly discuss this topic with them, and for wise spiritual leaders who are also open about the problem and want to help prevent tragedies in family life.
Jenny Hatch
More Here at Meridian Magazine

HuffPO: Romney Heckled For Mormonism: “You Do Not Know The Lord”

February 19, 2007Jenny Marie Hatch

Romney Heckled For Mormonism: “You Do Not Know The Lord”
I participated in the comment section of this entry at Huff Po. Here are all of my comments. I had to break the final one up into several pieces to fit the 350 word limit.
Jenny Hatch
Comment #1:
Here is my blog entry on this event.
http://www.naturalfamilyblog.com/archives/000674.html…
Jenny Hatch
Mormon HuffPo Reader
By: jennyhatch on February 17, 2007 at 10:59pm
Comment #2
Someone on page two asked a mormon to respond to her questions, named as facts…..so as a devout mormon, I thought I’d respond to at least one of them before I drop out of political discourse at Huff Po and hide in my kitchen.
The poster claimed that Brigham Young had twelve wives.
This is in fact a lie. Brigham Young had 27 wives.
Jenny Hatch
PROUD mormon
By: JennyHatch on February 18, 2007 at 03:54pm
Comment # 3
Mort,
“Hey Forrester, I think I recognize that great and spacious building Lehi saw. It’s here at HuffPo! ;)”
Hey, I consider it an honor to have the finger of scorn pointed at me and my beliefs. Just lets me know I’m on the straight and narrow path back to Heavenly Father.
Man, it has been a long time since I have participated on a board where so much vitriol was shoved in the general direction of my people.
Do you think they recognize how bigoted they are?
And what exactly does it take to have a post pulled as abusive at Huff Po. I almost never read the comments…you think if this mud slinging was going on towards any other minority it would be tolerated here, or flagged as “ABUSIVE??”.
Happy to meet ya, and have a great day. I choose not to engage…much…with the bigots, waste of time.
Jenny Hatch
By: JennyHatch on February 18, 2007 at 10:25pm
Comment #4
McMetal,
You Said:

“If they don’t appreciate people asking about their religion and feel so attacked, then why do they constantly flock to these threads?………………..because they don’t want to discuss their religion in any meaningful way, they want to rebut with the best answer that will show the world that they are RIGHT……and they see any meaningful questions put to them as cause to feel that they are being attacked, which confirms in their minds that they are on the straight and narrow righteous path to god (check jenny’s post).”

I’m really not afraid to engage in a discussion, just a little wary is all.
Minorities….I’ve thought alot about this, simply because I married a man from southern utah and his family goes back many generations to the beginnings of church history. My family converted in Detroit and I was raised mormon, but I don’t have the psyche of my husbands family and I have spent a long time thinking about them and how they live and see the world.
When you have it blasted into your mind that because of your religion others are at liberty to burn your homes, rape your wives, and then chase you from state to state, that can have an effect on how you see the “gentile” world, as we call it. I have sisters in law who have never been friends with people of any other faiths, they just don’t get outside of mormon circles.
While I believe that is really sad, I can understand the inherent reluctance to branch out in terms of who you spend time with and who you are friends with, just because of that underlying fear, which I am not sure they are aware of.
The cloistering does tend to lend to “groupthink”, but it also provides an amazing strength and community for the little ones to grow up in. As for the institutionalized bigotry against minorities that you refer to, yes I have witnessed it in various individuals I have observed over the years. But to say it is taught by the church is simply wrong. I don’t know why Heavenly Father waited so long for people of color to be able to hold the pristhood, it is a mystery to me, but it does not shake my faith in the church.
One quick story. I was at the temple with a black man from our Boulder Congregation. We served in the temple together, and then came outside and he was sitting on the wall in front of the temple waiting for his ride, and I was walking out to my car. I observed a man in his own car drive very quickly up to this black man, you could feel the fear coming from him in waves, and he started to question him as to who he was and why he was standing in front of the temple.
I thought my black friend handled the situation so beautifully, he was so very patient and kind in return. And I have felt shame for the white man ever since, his obvious fear at being around someone of color and confronting him in front of the temple.
I wanted to go up to him and say, I was just in the temple with that man, he is as good of a man as any I have ever met in my life, why are you such a bigoted loser? But I didn’t. I have thought about this many times since, wondering what it is that causes some people to be afraid and other to welcome with open arms those who are different.
I’m not sure what it is. All I know is that during the short time I have lived and the few people I have known during my life, mormon men and women are some of the nicest, most kind, and open hearted of all.
My husband is an amazing father and a wonderful person to have as my eternal companion. I like to think that by being married to me, he has been exposed to a wide variety of friendships with people from other faiths and backgrounds, where if he had raised his family in Utah and married a Utah Mormon, he would have raised his family as his siblings are raising their own, largely insulated from the gentile world.
As I said, this insular living does tend to bring amazing strength, but it can narrow and dare I say it, even warp a person into only wanting be around people who live like them.
But this warping does not affect just my people. It is human nature to want to be around those who think and believe and live like you do.
One of the things I enjoy most about being LDS is the very diversity that has come into my life. We have this whole army of missionaries who travel around the world, and they are not “traveling” in the sense of going from one five star resort to another, they go and live among the people and eat the native foods, and spend time in the homes of the saints (my husband went to Holland for two years), and they bring back amazing stories.
And then in my own congregation, which has a huge number of progressives (I’m a neo-con), we have this family from Colobia, and that family from Mexico, and this missionary from Mongolia who was the most popular rock star in his country and gave it all up to serve a mission. (not kidding, we have that guy in our missionary force here in Colorado).
The most wonderfully diverse experience of my life has been to be a mormon, where we all have a passion for being disciples of Jesus Christ, but the various political and diverse locations where we grew up force us to learn how to live in peace and love, and overcome the differences, serving each other and attempting to grow one in heart.
As for exclusion of gay and lesbians, it is absolutely false that we kick people out of the church for sexual orientation. Anyone, anyone at all is able to attend our sabbath meetings. Those who have been baptized and made the covenants associated with membership in the church who act on their sexual orientation are excommunicated however.
The bar has been raised very high for those who wish to attend the temple, and only 50% of church members qualify for that blessing. I have heard that tithing and porn addictions keep more people of the temple than any other thing.
And I should say clearly that I support anyones right to question the history of my church, to loudly proclaim inconsistencies, and to even hate us for whatever reason they feel justifies that hate in their heart. It does not shake my testimony of the Savior or the fact that I believe this church is his kingdom on the earth. And you are very right when you say that this slamming of mormons just makes things clearer in my own mind that this church is true.
It is a truism that anything that is widely controversial generally has an element of truth or falsehood associated with it. You obviously believe my religion to be false, and I have a fervant testimony that it is true. Apples and oranges as far as I’m concerned. But yes, those of us on the web who feel the need to defend our faith will at times come and attempt to share and teach what we believe to be the truth about our faith. In my blog post I simple attempted to share the fact that we are Christians, as that was the original claim against Mitt Romney.
Jenny Hatch
WWW.NaturalFamilyBLOG.com