Tag Musings on Motherhood

Raising and nurturing children: Live and Let Live

Jenny Marie Hatch

Paul and I spent our 19th anniversary in the Emergency Room. Ben was hit in the head with a metal golf club at the park last night and he needed some stitches.
Paul took our three boys and some friends over to the park to practice golfing for the Golf Merit Badge for scouts.
Ben ran in front of one of the boys right when he was taking a swing. Jeff ran home to get me and really riled me up by claiming that Ben’s scalp was showing, so much blood, and he was completely upset and crying. I ripped over to the park in our van and then Shelly drove us to the ER while Paul and I held Ben in the back seat. As we drove I was applying Trauma Life Essential Oil blend to Bens toes, three drops each foot, and praying to know how to help him. Paul gave him a blessing and then we arrived.
I was thinking….Brain Injury, Concussion, Surgery, etc etc while we drove and was totally freaked out by the time the first nurse walked into the waiting room. The Male Nurse immediately did a brain injury analysis by having Ben answer some questions and get up and walk. It was then that I saw his cut for the first time, and the relief I felt was tangible. I truly was afraid that the golf club had crushed his skull, based on what Jeff had said, but quickly realized that the cut, although a deep gash that required layers of stitching, was not so bad, and that he would be fine.


Ben this morning in his Daddys arms.
Ironically this is the point where I truly lost it emotionally. I started shaking and was overwhelmed by the adrenaline rush. Ben was a champ, he never screamed, just whimpered a little each time the needle went into his skin and today we took him to our chiropractor to get his cranium adjusted. His eye is all swollen and he has the beginnings of a nasty black eye, but we have not observed any evidence of a concussion, although we are watching for it.
It is funny to me that because we have chosen to give birth to our last two babies at home that some friends assume that we have given up on allopathic medicine altogether.
Not True.
I was so grateful for the professionalism and skill of the doctor and nurse we worked with. These two men were so kind to our son, and so tuned it to his needs as a four year old. They truly did an amazing job, always concious of his pain and his needs, bringing him juice and stickers and a coloring book. A volunteer at the hospital offered to get us drinks, and a nurse (a dear friend from church) helped me get a cup of peppermint herbal tea, and offered much love and emotional support.
I spend so much time bashing the allopathic medical machine here on my blog that it was a good reminder to interface with the medical people and be reminded once again of the wonderful work they do with emergencies and injuries.
Yesterday I was reading some of the links from Pajamas Media and found these two posts:
First I read a rant from the Advice Goddess, who tends to use alot of profanity. She was upset about kids sleeping in the same beds with their parents.
Then I read Dr. Helen talking about Moms who get together and drink wine while the kids play. She was questioning child led everything and even encouraged the moms to go ahead and drink. I don’t drink at all, so it is not anything I would do in the first place, but I did have to question women driving a van full of children after partying with friends. I wondered about the mommy guilt if one of those women were to get into an auto accident, but then I thought, “well, live and let live”.
Then the upsetting and useless conversation I had with a Blogger named Stupidity Tracker who had linked to my Lotus Birth Picture Gallery and claimed this lifestyle choice was not only stupid, but disgusting. We had a chat in his comment section and it was nasty evidence that some people in our society are not willing to live and let live. But must use profane and intolerant words to describe some of the lifestyle choices Paul and I chosen. (Huge profanity alert for this blogger)
It’s ironic that Ann Coulter is currently being skewered in the press and in the blogosphere for her use of a supposedly anti-gay slur. When I watched her on Hannity last night she explained her words the way that I had interpreted them, as a joke about political correctness, using a schoolyard taunt that she interpreted as the equivalent of calling someone a wuss. I wholeheartedly agree with her that John Edwards is a wuss, and while I would not use the F word the way she did, I still support her decision to use whatever words she feels are appropriate to share her message of conservatism and in satirizing liberals.
I’m not offended or angry that the Advice Goddess thinks our choice of having a family bed is crazy, or that someone called the stupidity tracker thinks I am an idiot. Cathy Seipp compared my lifestyle to witch doctoring last year and I had a fun debate with her regular commenters that ended where it always does, with name calling and me moving on to some more productive way to spend my time.
I wish we could all do a better job of living and let live. But for some reason Paul and I making this decision to live mostly out of the realm of medicine seems to bring up some intensely angry responses from those who learn of our lifestyle choices.
We all have to make choices for and in behalf of our children until they are old enough to choose for themselves how they will live. I like to think that the choices we have made have given them a foundation of wellness and health that they will be able to reap from for many years to come.
Ben has gradually been weaning from our Attached Parenting that the Advice Goddess has such a problem with. Paul and I have been encouraging him to sleep in his own bed for months now. He has a toddler bed in his brothers room. Most nights he will fall asleep in our bed and then we will carry him in to his own bed. But the past few weeks this has led to him complaining and whining in the mornings, angry at supposedly being betrayed by us not honoring his wishes. Paul has tried to reason with and encourage him for the past few days especially that he needs to be in his own room.
This morning when I woke up Paul was curled up in a ball with our little boy snuggled safely in his arms. When he awoke I asked him what time Ben came in to our bed. He chuckled and then sheepishly said that he had woke up at 5am and gone in to check on Ben, then picked him up and took him into our bed to make sure he was safe. I started to cry, so happy that my husband has such a tender heart and was so concerned about our little guy.
Often it takes an accident to put things into perspective about what is truly important when raising our children. Paul completely blamed himself for Ben’s accident, “I should have been watching him more closely, etc…” was what he said to me last night. I just reassured him that accidents do happen, and that we should be grateful that the golf club did not smack him in the eye or in his temple. It could have been so much worse.
I know on this blog that I am actively campaigning for mothers and fathers to live a more holistic lifestyle, but I would like to take the opportunity to emphasize that I support all parents making whatever choices they feel will give their own child the best life, and am very willing to live and let live….and pray that in learning how to tolerate each others life choices, we can have a bit of compassion for each other and not get lost in the emotion that seems to come up when people make choices that are the complete opposite of what we ourselves would make.
As for using derogatory cliche’s in describing political opponants beliefs. I do confess to enjoying that sort of judgement, and feel that a “fight fire with fire” approach is appropriate and justified for conservatives in politics. I try to keep my comments focused on blasting the ideologies of those I oppose, but sometimes do get into name calling, as in calling Mr. Edwards a wuss (and I was thinking specifically of his tolerance and wobbly response to his degenerate bloggers and his using the Coulter incident to raise money for his campaign).
One of the dudes at Free Republic suggested that everyone donate one red cent in Ann’s name to his campaign with a credit card and thus make him pay for the transaction. His victim status does have its privledges for now, but no way is he going to be the democrat candidate.
I am willing to live and let live in regards to family life, but for politics, well, that is when I take my gloves off and start pasting the other side with the toughest words I can comfortably use. Street fighting sometimes is the only way to deal with what is at stake in terms of our freedoms. And I have deep concerns that if we conservatives don’t get off our bums and fight hard, we will lose everything that is precious to us.
Hope that clarifys things somewhat for my readers.
Jenny Hatch

Socialized Medicine will usher in open season on birthing mothers

Jenny Marie Hatch

I found this British Blogging Doctor linked from Instapundit yesterday.
He has some interesting insights into the NHS in England and his post on childbirth further settled things in my own mind that socializing here in America would be very very bad for birthing moms.
Here is the link to his post: Go here
He Said:

A horrifying report from today’s Independent on Sunday.

Record numbers of women are being harmed or dying as a direct result of childbirth in what doctors are labelling as “a crisis” in maternity care.

391 women have died in childbirth in the last three years, a 21% increase on the previous comparable period.

The UK now has one of the highest maternal mortality rates in Europe, with 13 deaths per 100,000.

17676 women have suffered physical harm on labour wards in the last three years – harm such as perforated bowels, necessitation temporary colostomies.

Maternity medical negligence claims are costing the NHS £1 billion a year

It is all due to lack of resources and, as Dr Crippen never tires of saying, dumbing down.

Midwives are doing work for which they are not trained; work that should be done by doctors.

Health care assistants are doing work for which they are not trained; work that should be done my midwives.

How is the government dealing with this?

The Independent quotes the Department of Health as saying:

“Giving birth is safer than it has ever been.”

Now I know one of the big issues for the 2008 election is going to be Socialized Medicine.
Here is a link to a poll by CBS news claiming that most Americans want to socialize our health care system.
Go Here.
What will this mean for birthing mothers?
Go read the report from the UK newspaper.
Quote:

“Experts are warning that 10,000 more midwives are needed to prevent a further rise in blunders and deaths. They say there is also a shortage of trained obstetricians, desperately needed now that doctors perform more Caesarean sections, largely because of staff shortages. More than one in five births in Britain are by Caesarean section, a figure significantly higher than World Health Organisation guideline of 15 per cent.”

What do I think are the long term answers for this mess?
Privatize the whole shootin match, allow parents to decide with whom, where, how, and in what manner they will give birth, and let the MARKET sort things out. It always will, every time….Prices will become more reasonable, the medical industry will have to be accountable to and respond to consumer demands, and mothers and babies will be healthier and given a higher measure of protection when the staff at the hospital is directly accountable to parents.
Do I believe this will happen?
Nope. American Health Care is on a slow moving train wreck heading for a crash that will result in the deaths and maiming of many innocent women and children.
Our C-section rate recently hit one out of three. The American Press Yawned.
When the birth stats for 2006 are fully publicized I believe it will have jumped another couple of points, perhaps to 35%.
The UK situation is an interesting study because they have some goofy laws that make it possible for a father to be prosecuted if he delivers his own child, yet they support midwife assisted home birth, they even pay for it if you have not been risked out of it by an OB.
Go here for an analysis of home birth laws in the UK.
Telling point for me as a promoter of Unassisted Birth:
Quote:

“Birth Without Midwives

“It is perfectly legal to give birth alone, unassisted – ie with no midwife in attendance – whether this was accidental, or deliberate. Some women choose this option because they cannot get the sort of non-intrusive, supportive midwifery care they require.

For others, giving birth unassisted is a positive choice which they believe to be best for them and their babies. I do not wish to either promote or condemn planned unassisted birth; the aim of this section is simply to inform. For links to sites advocating unassisted birth, see [6] below.

It is illegal for anyone other than a UK registered midwife or doctor to ‘attend’ a woman in labour except in an emergency. This means that if it can be proved that the birth partner intended to act as a midwife, he (or she, but ‘he’ is used here for simplicity) may be prosecuted. The birth partner may even be liable to prosecution if he was present at the baby’s birth, even if he was in another room at the time. Some have suggested that ‘present’ means in the same room, but it could be interpreted as ‘nearby’.

In the one case in recent years where such a prosecution has been successful, the baby’s father, Brian Radley, had stated explicitly to the health authorities that he intended to act as a midwife for the birth, and this statement of intent helped the prosecution’s case. His wife was told by the health authority that, if she called a midwife, the midwife would arrive and immediately call an ambulance to take her to hospital.

Mrs Radley had vowed never to enter the hospital again after she received poor treatment during there when having her first baby. Given the health authority’s unsupportive attitude, the Radleys felt that conducting the birth themselves was their best option. Brian Radley was fined £500, but his fine was paid by a doctor who was appalled at the way this couple had been treated by the medical profession. [7]”

Bless the doctor who paid the fine, but this case illustrates the increasing dilemna for us home birthing parents. On top of all the social stigma that exists when one wades out into the tempestuous sea of UC Birthing Politics, we have medical systems that are so nanny-statish in their own minds that they cannot abide parents giving birth in the sanctity of their own homes, yet even with the complete understanding and acceptance that hospital birth is demeaning at best and damaging and deadly at worst, parents are still expected to bow down to the birth machine and do whatever it dictates.
I believe the answer to this dilemna is FREEDOM. Sure, I’ll admit that some babies and mothers will die or be damaged during an Unassisted Birth. But it is the parents who have to live with the long term consequences of that choice, not doctors and not hospitals. If parents decide that the home birth feels comfortable for them, they should be supported, not prosecuted.
Railroading pregnant women into a situation where they are forced to use a variety of unproven birth practices which can be deadly to the mother and traumetizing for the baby, – and just off the top of my head I’m thinking of the drug Cytotec, (which is being used all over the world without patient informed consent to induce labor), restriction of movement, restriction of fluids and foods during labor, giving birth in the supine position, (which one doctor in Brazil claimed that other than being suspended by her toes while giving birth, was the absolute worst position for a woman to give birth), forcing women to submit to these practices is criminal.
Where is it all headed?
Lots and lots of dead mothers and babies, and young women choosing to have a career instead of happily welcoming a large family of children into their homes.
We continue to have pundits who are wringing their hands because young women are not choosing to give birth to any children. With the birthing machine currently calling most of the shots worldwide, I am not surprised that these women are forgoing the amazing of experience of being a mother.
Fertility%20Map%20from%20Wikipedia.png
Fertility Map found at Wiki
Jenny Hatch

Glenn Reynolds: THE HIGH COST OF RAISING A KID:

Jenny Marie Hatch

Glenn Reynolds has some interesting insights, read his essay linked from TCS Daily
THE HIGH COST OF RAISING A KID:
Jenny Hatch
And Here is a link to a talk by Elder Neil A. Maxwell who spoke eloquently about raising children in a 1994 conference address to the LDS People.
“Take Especial Care of Your Family”

Tiny Baby to Leave Florida Hospital

Jenny Marie Hatch

Preemie%20Baby%20for%20Blog.jpg
This image is being blasted across the Media as the fullness of American Technology and Medical Innovation. I believe it is an image that should be pounded into the minds of parents everywhere as the absolute failure of the Medical Profession and American Society to teach and educate new mothers with the facts of prenatal nutrition.
What a sad and pathetic way to enter the world….
Tiny Baby to Leave Florida Hospital
“MIAMI (AP) —

A premature baby that doctors say spent less time in the womb than any other surviving infant is to be released from a Florida hospital Tuesday.
Amillia Sonja Taylor was just 9 1/2 inches long and weighed less than 10 ounces when she was born Oct. 24. She was delivered 21 weeks and six days after conception. Full-term births come after 37 to 40 weeks.

“We weren’t too optimistic,” Dr. William Smalling said Monday. “But she proved us all wrong.”

Neonatologists who cared for Amillia say she is the first baby known to survive after a gestation period of fewer than 23 weeks. A database run by the University of Iowa’s Department of Pediatrics lists seven babies born at 23 weeks between 1994 and 2003.

Amillia has experienced respiratory problems, a very mild brain hemorrhage and some digestive problems, but none of the health concerns are expected to pose long-term problems, her doctors said.

“We can deal with lungs and things like that but, of course, the brain is the most important,” Dr. Paul Fassbach said Monday. “But her prognosis is excellent.”

Amillia has been in an incubator since birth and has been receiving oxygen. She will continue getting a small amount of oxygen, and her breathing will be monitored once she leaves Baptist Children’s Hospital. She now is between 25 and 26 inches long and weighs 4 1/2 pounds.

“She’s going to be in a normal crib, she’s going to have normal feedings, she’s taking all her feedings from a bottle,” Smalling said.

Amillia is the first child for Eddie and Sonja Taylor of Homestead. She was conceived by in vitro fertilization, which made it possible to pinpoint her exact time in the womb, and was delivered by Caesarean section.”

No one ever talks about the costs of all this abomination, not to mention the long term consequences for this child from her months of torture in the NICU.
I’m looking forward to the day when the woman in America who has the healthiest full term and most beautiful baby is heralded for her amazing contribution to our society. Instead what is blasted from sea to shining sea is the wonder of this little person being kept alive for months outside of the womb..
And I have no doubt in my mind that C-section was performed because Momma had toxemia, a completely preventable malnutrition state for the mother marked by protein deficiency and dehydration.
WATER, SALT, PROTEIN, WATER, SALT, PROTEIN, WATER, SALT, PROTEIN, come on… say it out loud. “WATER, SALT, PROTEIN, WATER, SALT, PROTEIN….these are the keys to healthy pregnancy.”
Jenny Hatch

Pornography and the Family

Jenny Marie Hatch

Yesterday we had a powerful lesson in Relief Society Meeting about Pornography.
I was introduced to this new manual and 12 step recovery program put together by the LDS church in 2005. Go Here.
We had Ward Conference, which is a three hour series of meetings that include the Sacrament, Sunday School, and a combined Relief Society and Priesthood class which was taught by our Stake President and Stake Relief Society President. These leaders serve over 2,000 members in the Boulder Colorado Stake.
The difficult topic they chose to address was Porn Addiction and the increasing problem that it is becoming in the church. I really appreciated the way that they did not hesitate to lay out the problem as well as share some insights as to how we as parents could help our children and ourselves stay clean from this plague.
Our Stake Relief Society President shared quotes from individuals, some she knew and some whom she had read about…tragic quotes about how they wished they had made better choices, how they would give anything to have back a loving spouse or custody of children lost. She claimed that 40% of internet porn users were women and that this number was increasing. She also claimed that it was far easier to prevent a pornography addiction than it was to cure one.
Then our Stake President Spoke and he shared how once a month he meets with the Bishops in our stake and each bishop has shared stories of those addicted in their congregations who are struggling. He believes the problem is much more wide spread than what the leaders hear about because of the shame factor involved in confessing this particular sin. He also said that the church at the highest levels was deeply concerned about this issue and it was right up at the top of the agenda in terms of importance and focus.
He shared the 12 step program which had the Atonement of Jesus Christ woven completely through it and claimed that although it was not a perfect cure, it had helped some people when most secular programs are unable to claim cure for the problem of porn addiction.
He made a line of demarcation and tied it to Joseph in Egypt who was tempted by Potifers wife. That line is that if you are surfing the web and you accidentally view some porn and then you flee from it the way that Joseph ran so fast he left his coat in Potifers wifes hands, then in the Lord’s eyes you are not to blame…only be more careful about the web sites you go to and the surfing topics you search for.
But he said, if you are actively out searching for porn and looking at it, even if it is only the so called soft porn, you have a serious spiritual problem that needs to immediately be addressed and dealt with.
As he was talking I was praying fervently. I was begging the Lord to show me how to protect our children from this plague. During the class I felt prompted by the Holy Spirit to openly talk to the children about it, ask them if any of them had seen any porn on the internet and how they responded to it.
So at supper last night I brought it up very casually but also directly, sharing what had been taught in the class, and also sharing some stories of healing that had been used as examples of healing from this plague.
First I asked our four older children who had accidentally seen porn on the internet. Every hand was raised.
“Was it accidental?” Yes, and mom, it was so gross, ewwww, yuck.
I told them the difference between soft and hard core porn and said that according to the Stake President it did not make any difference, if you were looking at porn, you had a serious problem that needed to be taken to the Bishop.
The I told them that every week at Family Council we were going to have an accounting for the whole family. And anyone who accidentally viewed some porn would be asked to share that fact. I told them the reason for this was to help them be accountable and get used to talking openly about pornography viewing so that if it ever did move past the accidental to the intentional phase, they could quickly identify that it had become a problem before it turned into a full blown addiction.
I told them about a man who had struggled with porn addiction from the time he was eight years old, who had been excommunicated from the church twice for various sins he had committed tied to Porn, and at the age of 58 had finally overcome a lifetime of pain, shame, and sorrow tied to his sin. This man had witnessed to the fact that it was so much easier to PREVENT a pornography addiction than it was to heal it. And he wanted his story shared with anyone possible, especially parents, to help them teach their children of the plague and how to prevent it in their own families.
This class was a sobering reminder to Paul and I of the challenges that face us as parents trying to help our children avoid the pitfalls of life. I hope and pray the weekly accountability will help the children to openly shun and avoid this addiction like the plague it is.
Family Council is what we do on sunday nights to help us organize our schedule and deal with various issues that crop up. Some have joked that it is the only family fight that starts and ends with a prayer, but we have decided that it will be a good time for a weekly reminder to our children of how much we want to help them prevent this problem in their own lives. My heart aches at even having to talk about this topic with these tender hearted little ones, but President Williams said that the average age of seeing porn for the first time is eleven and it is usually by accident while surfing the web. All four of our older children, including our ten year old son, said they had in fact seen one thing or another, and that was a surprise to me, because except for Allison mentioning it one time, they had never mentioned it to me.
I’m grateful for the chance to bluntly discuss this topic with them, and for wise spiritual leaders who are also open about the problem and want to help prevent tragedies in family life.
Jenny Hatch
More Here at Meridian Magazine