“A twenty-eight-year veteran of the Los Angeles Police Department, Paul Bishop currently directs a Sexual Assault Detail with responsibility for investigations in more than twenty-five percent of the city. His career has included a tour with the department’s Anti-Terrorist Division and more than twenty years’ experience investigating sex crimes.”
“Using Information Wisely
The proper use of sex offender registration laws and technology can provide a wonderful tool to protect those who are dearest to us. As mention earlier, using the Megan’s Law computers or web sites can provide information on adults whose criminal actions should red flag any contact with our family members – especially our children. Don’t rely on another organization or individual to do this checking. Do it yourself.
Sports coaches (especially for travel teams), music teachers, dance instructors, new personal relationships — don’t let that new love use you to get to your kids — karate instructors, and the adult neighbor down the street who lives with his mother and always has teenage boys hanging around, should all be checked. Is the last one a stereotype? Absolutely. But even if the individual has never been convicted of a sex crime, the described situation is far too often a recipe for disaster.
Make sure your children avoid it at all costs. Don’t be conned into thinking the individual is just somebody who likes kids. He does like kids — far too much. Normal male adults do not have the kind of tolerance for young male testosterone that makes them want to spend all their time with them. Sooner or later somebody like me is going to be starting an investigation into the individual. This will inevitably lead to neighbors in the area saying in wonder, “But he was such a nice man.”
If you are concerned about sex offenders living in close proximity to your home, there are a number of appropriate steps you can take. These don’t necessarily depend on Megan’s Law technologies, but are guidelines designed to protect you and your family.
Make sure your children and teens understand it is wrong for adults to touch them inappropriately, engage them in sexual conversation, or attempt to get them to participate in overt sexual activity. Make your children feel comfortable telling you anything, especially if it involves an adult (even if that adult is another parent or relative). Teach your children about their bodies, giving them the correct language to use when describing their private parts. Stress the importance of those parts remaining private.
Always make an effort to know the people with whom your children interact. In our busy lives this is difficult, but nonetheless imperative. You need to observe first-hand how other ‘in charge’ adults in interact with your children. If you become concerned about any behavior you consider odd, report it to the sponsoring organization.
Know where your children are at all times. Be clear about the places and homes they may visit. It should be a requirement for your children to check in with you when they arrive or depart a location and when there is a change in their plans. They will hate you for this. TOO BAD. Your job is to be their parent first, then their friend — sometimes you can’t be both. Conversely, you should also let them know when you are running late or your plans have changed. This helps your children realize this rule is for everyone’s safety — not just a way of depriving them of freedom.
If your children tell you they don’t want to be left with somebody or go somewhere, it is imperative to listen. Trust their intuition. This reluctance may indicate far more than a personality conflict or a lack of interest in an activity.
Help your children understand they have the right to say, “No,” to any unwelcome touching and to report it to you immediately. It is important to remember the vast majority of child molest cases involve somebody the victim knows, so do not allow yourself to focus exclusively on stranger danger.
The single most important thing you can do is trust your instincts. For those of us in the Church, we know this is truly part of communing with the Holy Ghost. If you feel uncomfortable with someone in an isolated situation (an elevator, a car, even in your home) get out. Do not talk yourself out of feeling uncomfortable being alone with somebody simply because they are an acquaintance. Be wary of friends or dates who test your boundaries by making unwanted physical advances and then attempting to minimize your protests.
All of the above does not mean you must live your life in fear, never trusting anyone. It is simply a call for awareness. Tools such as the Megan’s Law computers and web sites are designed to help us keep our families safe. Used as designed, they can help prevent tragedy and heartbreak. Misused or ignored, the results can be problematic.
Take care of yourselves and your children out there in the world. My unit and our counterparts across the nation are here if you need us. Hopefully, however, our contact will not be from a professional prospective, but through fellowshipping and a shared love of the gospel.”
Sexual Offenders