Mark Steyn
QUOTE:

“On the eve of Independence Day, the people of this great republic declared their independence from the United States Senate under the stirring battle-cry, “No legislation without explanation!” The geniuses who’d cooked up the “comprehensive” immigration bill’s “grand bargain” behind the scenes in the pork-filled rooms had originally planned to ram it through in 48 hours before Memorial Day. And, right to the end, the bipartisan Emirs-for-life of Incumbistan gave the strong impression they regarded it as an affront to be required by the impertinent whippersnappers of the citizenry to address the actual content of the legislation.

Sen. Lindsay Graham, R-S.C., dismissed critics of the bill as “racist.”

Sen. George Voinovich, R-Ohio, complained that the peasants had somehow got hold of his phone number, and he felt “intimidated.”

Sen. Trenthorn Lotthorn, R-Lottissippi, said: Who cares if they call? They could call 1-800-BLOWHARD (and leave off the “D” for “Deal’s already done”) 24 hours a day, and he still wasn’t going to listen to them. “To think that you’re going to intimidate a senator,” he scoffed, “into voting one way or the other by gorging your phones with phone calls – most of whom don’t even know where Gulfport is.” (Gulfport is a port in the Gulf emirate whose grateful people Sultan Trent has ruled o’er lo these many years.)

More artfully, the Democrats’ leader, Harry Reid, instead of insulting his old base, invented a new one. Among the torrent of calls from racist intimidatory talk-radio listeners who don’t know where Gulfport is, Sen. Reid had somehow managed to get through to the one constituent worth staying on the line for, a man who supports the bill. Who is he? Well, according to the Senator Majority Leader, his name is, er, “Tommy.”

Tommy Hilfiger? Tommy Lasorda? Tommy Dorsey and his Orchestra with vocal refrain by Jo Stafford and the Pied Pipers? Tommy Lee in the director’s cut, where in the hitherto deleted scene right at the end he says to Pamela Anderson, “Sorry, honey, I’d love to carry on for another 20 minutes but I gotta call Sen. Reid in Washington. If you hardworking Canadians are going to do the jobs Americans won’t do, I need to get your X-visa sorted out”?

Ah, but Sen. Reid explained that he couldn’t identify the Tommy in question in case he was arrested and deported. This Tommy has to stay “living in the shadows,” like Tommy Lee in the bit where he’s partly obscured by Pamela’s embonpoint. Alas, this heartwarming vignette left many cynics unmoved.

On the radio, Laura Ingraham suggested that “Tommy” might be entirely fictional and merely Harry Reid’s imaginary friend. I proposed to Laura that “Tommy” might like to start dating John Edwards’ “coatless girl,” whose Dickensian tale of woe figures in every Edwards stump speech: Apparently she goes to sleep shivering every night because her daddy was laid off at the mill and she can’t afford a winter coat. If Tommy and the coatless girl married, he could buy her a coat for $9.99 at Wal-Mart, and she could fill in a routine Spousal Application form with U.S. Immigration, which only takes 10 years to process, as opposed to the cumbersome and time-consuming 24-hour instant amnesty visa for seasonal fruit-pickers and seasonal jihadists contained in the Senate bill.”

Steyn is right every time!
Jenny Hatch